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Advice for Grooms – Team Decision Making

March 25, 2011

Every now and then I’ll get asked about the groom’s responsibilities for the wedding planning process.  The question is usually accompanied by a deer-in-headlights, mystified look.  Well grooms, don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal, and I was in the same boat about a year ago.  Well, sort of.  In my case I had a fiancee who also happened to be a wedding planner, so I was pretty lucky there.

But I can certainly understand what’s going on – you’re being asked all of these questions that you’ve never even considered.  Pink or fuchsia for the linens?  Garden roses or peonies?  Bed Bath and Beyond or Pottery Barn?  My head is spinning just thinking about this again!Confused Groom

So how do you answer all of these?  It’s very likely that you could care less about the flowers, registration, linens, etc, but the absolute wrong answer is, “I don’t care.”  In fact, “I don’t care” is the only wrong answer. Ultimately the bride is going to make the decision for herself no matter what, but you have to act like you’re involved in actually coming to that decision.   So let’s practice how this works.

Bride: “What do you think of the napkins?  Should they be white or purple?”

Groom: “Well, what do you think about each?” (Notice the strategy here.  You didn’t say “I don’t care”, and you asked a question that will probably lead to the bride talking it out with herself and making the decision.  Let’s see what happens….)

Bride: “Purple is the main wedding color, but the white would be classic.  I know we wouldn’t look back on the wedding 20 years later and wonder what in the world we were thinking if we choose white.  But then again, the purple would really go well with the black linens.”

Groom: “Right, that’s true. Would white and black go together too though?” (Just asking more questions.  Get ready, it’s almost ready to happen.)

Bride: “Well, you know what?  Yeah, you’re right!  We could do white napkins with purple lettering!  Thanks!” (Boom, there it is!)

Groom: “Oh yeah, that’s a great idea!”  (Note the use the exclamation point here.  Seriously, you’ve got to be excited with every part of it.  And you actually are excited about it, because you contributed to the decision making process.)

Now wasn’t that easy?  Teamwork!

So to recap, you’ve got to master the art of being interested and contributing to the decision while completely (and slyly) letting your lovely bride design her own wedding.  Practice thoughtful gazes.  Answer questions with questions.  You got this!

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